The Myth of How We See Ourselves

Dec 8

When you look in the mirror, do you see the thousand great things about yourself? Or do you only see the couple of things that you still lack, that are still wrong?

I’ve always been at the ready to recite the things that are wrong– emotionally I face this concept that I don’t have my life “together” (whatever that means), and physically I’ve faced many things including scoliosis and traumatic injury. But recently I had a session with my bodyworker/friend, and she challenged me on this limited narrative– suggesting that I perhaps only needed to redefine what I thought “together” meant, and not just latch onto whatever our society likes to demand it means. She also challenged my impression that healing has to be this arduous process where the needle barely ever moves. She had a clear impression of how much I’ve healed, evolved, come into myself. It sounds a little ridiculous, but even though I’m the only one living this experience first hand, I’d completely missed these milestones. It’s not that I’m not an optimistic person, because I am. It’s not that I’m not a grateful person, because I’m that too.

I think it’s just that– it’s really hard to give ourselves credit, and it’s really hard to constantly calibrate the identities our ego clings to in order to survive.

Yoga Sutra 1:30 describes the nine obstacles to attaining enlightenment– one of which is not seeing the self clearly, having delusions. Yes, this can mean thinking you’re all-knowing– but it can also mean being farther along the path than you give yourself credit for.

To use a simple example, all growing up I was really short, the shortest kid in my class. When we’d line up for whatever activity from shortest to tallest, I was always at the end of the line. Now I’m 5’6” which is average height if not a little on the tall end– but internally I often still think of myself as short. Sometimes I still walk to the end of the line on autopilot. Long after I stopped being short, the label I’d given myself remains. Maybe that’s where I am again now on these new issues– still clinging to past identities and delusions instead of giving myself credit for the evolution I’ve lived out everyday.

And the truth is we’re going to be in progress, constantly evolving forever. But that doesn’t mean we can’t celebrate our gains along the way. The tiny ways that we shift out of pain and come deeper in relationship with our true selves. No longer in relationship with the worst in us or the part of us that better prove their worth a while longer. Day by day, learning to greet the soul facing us in the mirror with simply compassion. We have become these people despite of it all. I promise you, there are a lot of incredible things about you. You’ve come far enough to celebrate today.